Jacqueline Bermejo September 29

I am issuing this statement to clear my name in the current controversy in which I allegedly posted a highly insensitive and offensive message on the social networking website, Facebook, in relation to the victims of typhoon Ondoy that recently struck parts of the Philippines.

About two years ago, an anonymous source created these accounts using my identity, posting my personal details, my real pictures captioned roughly and attacking other people.. Because of these incidents, I reported such abuses and sent my credentials to the administrators of such sites, particularly Facebook. I have been abused and am still being abused online in social networking websites such as Facebook, Friendster, Multiply etc.

In the early stages, I was advised by close friends to ignore the situation, saying this would simply go away. Unfortunately, it has not stopped. Hence, I filed a complaint with the Dubai Police about eight months ago hoping they could help me with my problem. Should anyone wish to check my statement, my case is still under investigation with said authorities.

Time passed and these sites continued to generate malicious, obscene and cruel messages that are widely exposed and relayed to the public under my name.

Yesterday, September 27th 2009, I received phone calls from my close friends regarding very alarming posts in the above mentioned websites that directly offended flood victims as a result of typhoon Ondoy..

These malicious statement(s) which are posted under account names Jacque or Jackie are not of my doing. It is unfortunate that such statements were maliciously attributed to me and I do sympathize and understand the adverse and somehow verbally violent reaction that has been elicited by such insensitive statements or posts. Rest assured, I have taken every legal step that can be done in this regard.

I too, have become a victim as much as those who may have lost their lives and properties to such a devastating natural calamity. This recent controversy has greatly affected my reputation, my family, and my friends. I am devastated and shocked at the extent my character, my personal information and private space have been violated.

I have a deep respect and regard for my country. I am proud to be a Filipino and would never say or do anything to harm the interest of my country or countrymen. I have also had the privilege of participating in civic-oriented activities in Dubai, particularly in trying to help my fellow countrymen seek employment during the height of mass layoffs brought about by the ongoing global financial crisis, as well as those seeking employment for the first time. Making a mockery of any unfortunate incidents befalling any of my fellow Filipinos is simply contrary to my character. I condemn the person or persons behind these malicious acts to impute damage on my integrity and I hope that you can dig deep into your hearts and minds to truly find the truth in all these.

Who is Jacque, Jackie, Jacqueline Bermejo?

Jacque Bermejo – this is the name of the Filipina in Dubai now dubbed as the “dumbest Pinay” after posting a Facebook wall comment tantamount to being heartless and inhumane.

Jacque Bermejo commented on the Definitely Filipino Facebook page saying the following lines: “buti n lng am hir in dubai! maybe so many sinners bak der! so yeah deserving wat hapend!”

Jacque Bermejo needless to say is now an Internet Star, but we don’t think she’s enjoying her popularity. Filipinos all over the world hate her for her comment, some calling her names and a few even now campaigning for her to be declared a personan non grata.

Who is Jacque Bermejo?

Jacqueline Bermejo is a Marketing and PR Officer based in Dubai. Yes, she is a PR Officer and she obviously needs to do more than miracles to rebuild her reputation after this Facebook scandal.

Jacqueline has been working in the Middle East for over four years and currently works in real estate and property development.

If you need to contact her for whatever reason:

Tel: +971 4 4329633
Fax: +971 4 4329632
Mob: +971 50 3416640

Jacque Bermejo Pictures

This is the face that launched a thousand blog posts, Facebook comments and wall posts.

The Rancher

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but

knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided

to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the

house than the drunk.


He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and

knew a lot about ranching.



For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very

well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,



'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You

should go into town and kick up your heels.' The hired hand readily agreed

and went into town one Saturday night.



One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no
hired hand.

GIANT CATERPILLAR FOUND IN AUSTRALIA.

mwehehehe!

PEPITO'S RESUME

Resimay
To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.

I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..

I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person,
Pepole really seam to respond
to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.

I no my spelling is not to good but fi nd that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.

My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,

PEPITO

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.

Employer's response:

Dear Pepito ,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check.

See you Monday

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 ;program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support

Ligaw Tips ni Bob Ong

Dear Mr. Bob Ong,
Matagal ko na pong nililigawan itong ramp model na stage actress na nakilala ko recently sa isang party. Nasisiraan na ako ng bait. Pag nakilala mo siya, tiyak matutunaw ang utak mo sa kakaisip sa kanya.
Hingi lang po ako ng advice. Paano ko po siya mapapaibig? Bibigyan ko ba siya ng tula ? Haharanahin ko ba siya? Roses? Kalachuchi? Chocnut at sampaguita?
In lab na po ako. Ano po ang gagawin ko? Is she the one.
Lubos na gumagalang,
- Bartolome -

- ANG REPLY -

Dear Bartolome,
Hindi ka talaga sasagutin niyang nililigawan mo. Napaka-old school kasi ng mga tactics mo. Wala nang gumagawa ng ganyan. Sa panahon ngayon, lahat ng bagay, nagtaas na. Nagtaas na ang gasolina, nagtaas na ang presyo ng bigas at mga bilihin, nagtaas na ang pamasahe, at lalong nagtaas na rin ng standards ang mga babae. Hindi na uubra yang siopao at kalachuci mo. Lalo na yung huli mong binigay, hopia at santan. Ano ba pare? Ano’ng era ka ba pinanganak?
Pero don’t worry. It’s not too late. May pag-asa ka pa. Hindi pa naman siya kinakasal at di pa niya sinasagot yung crush niya na basketball player. Kahit lamang siya ng sampung paligo sa’yo, daanin mo sa utak at creativity. Dahil aminin na natin, iyon na lang talaga ang pag-asa mo. Heto, bibigyan kita ng mga simple, tried and tested na mga regalo para di siya mapurga sa hopia at siomai. Sundin mo ‘to, tiyak na lalaglag ang bagang niya sa’yo. Mga medyo more than your usual regalong panligaw:

1. Bili ka ng century tuna. Ilagay mo sa isang napakalaking box—yung sinlaki ng TV o kaya box ng desktop PC mo. Tapos balutan mo ng magarang pambalot. Kuntsabahin mo na yung teacher niya sa Calculus. Sa gitna ng klase, bigla kang kumatok sa classroom. Pero dapat, incognito ka. Magsuot ka ng LBC jacket, magshades, at magsuot ng surgical mask. Pagpasok mo sa classroom, iabot mo yung box sa teacher, at papirmahin mo ng acknowledgement receipt. Tapos pabuksan mo in front of everyone. Tignan mong mabuti ang reaction sa mukha niya.

Later during the day, pag tinanong niya kung bakit Century Tuna ang binigay mo, iikot mo yung lata at ituro mo yung sign na “Omega 8.” Pag tinanong niya kung ano yung Omega 8, sabihin mo: “because you’re good for my heart.”

2. Mangolekta ka ng isang dosenang hanger na libre mong nakukuha tuwing nagpapa-dry clean ka. Tapos, sa bawat hanger, isulat mo: “I miss hanging out with you.”
3. Instead of roses, kuha ka ng tissue paper sa banyo ng school mo. Gawin mong tissue paper roses. Gawa ka ng isang dosena. Pag-abot mo, sabihin mo, “Ganito kalinis ang pag-ibig ko sa’yo.”
4. Bili ka ng tetra pack ng mantikang Minola. Tapos bilugan mo yung “with Omega 8.” Hindi na siya magtatanong kung bakit.

5. Bigyan mo ng ice cream cone. Dapat cone lang at walang ice cream. Pag hinanap niya yung ice cream, sabihin mo, “natunaw na kakatitig sa’yo.”

6. Bili ka ng sandosenang box ng crayola. Kolektahin mo lahat ng black. Lagay mo sa isang box ng crayola. Sa likod, isulat mo: “Walang kulay ang buhay kung wala ka.”
7. Bigyan mo siya ng mumurahing bumbilya. Alam mo na siguro by this time kung ano ang isasagot pag tinanong niya kung bakit. (para sa mga hindi maka-“gets”, kapag tinanong ka, ang sagot mo ay, “sapagkat, ikaw lamang ang tanging ilaw at liwanag sa buhay ko”, o kaya naman ay, “you light up my life”…

8. I-text mo siya ng: “Hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop, hindi tayo halaman. Bagay tayo. Bagay!”
9. Bigyan mo siya ng calling card ng MMDA. Sa likod, isulat mo “para pag nagkabanggaan ang puso natin.”
10. Padalhan mo ng Happy Meal pero huwag mong ibibigay yung libreng laruan. Paghinanap niya, sabihin mo: “Ako yung freebie, at ikaw yung meal na nagpapahappy sa’kin.”
11. Sunugin ang kanyang bahay at padalhan ng hallmark card: "aanhin mo pa ang bahay mo, kung matagal ka nang nakatira sa puso ko"

12. Pagatapos sunugin ang kanyang bahay, padalhan siya ng isang box ng posporo, Guitar brand. unahan ang kanyang galit at sabihin, "ayan ang posporo na ginamit ko sa pagsunog ng iyong bahay, match na tayo"
13. Sa kalagitnaan ng isang malupit na bagyo, pasalubungan sya ng "salbabida", wag payong, o mainit na mami. Pag nagtanong bakit? ang isagot mo ay " ayaw kong malunod ka sa pag mamahal ko."

14. Pag pumayag na siyang makipagdate, dalhin mo siya sa canteen at huwag bibitawan ang kamay. Pag tinanong niya kung bakit, ituro mo yun sign na “don’t leave your valuables unattended”

Handang tumulong lagi,

-Bob Ong-