Thursday, October 1, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Jacqueline Bermejo September 29
I am issuing this statement to clear my name in the current controversy in which I allegedly posted a highly insensitive and offensive message on the social networking website, Facebook, in relation to the victims of typhoon Ondoy that recently struck parts of the Philippines.
About two years ago, an anonymous source created these accounts using my identity, posting my personal details, my real pictures captioned roughly and attacking other people.. Because of these incidents, I reported such abuses and sent my credentials to the administrators of such sites, particularly Facebook. I have been abused and am still being abused online in social networking websites such as Facebook, Friendster, Multiply etc.
In the early stages, I was advised by close friends to ignore the situation, saying this would simply go away. Unfortunately, it has not stopped. Hence, I filed a complaint with the Dubai Police about eight months ago hoping they could help me with my problem. Should anyone wish to check my statement, my case is still under investigation with said authorities.
Time passed and these sites continued to generate malicious, obscene and cruel messages that are widely exposed and relayed to the public under my name.
Yesterday, September 27th 2009, I received phone calls from my close friends regarding very alarming posts in the above mentioned websites that directly offended flood victims as a result of typhoon Ondoy..
These malicious statement(s) which are posted under account names Jacque or Jackie are not of my doing. It is unfortunate that such statements were maliciously attributed to me and I do sympathize and understand the adverse and somehow verbally violent reaction that has been elicited by such insensitive statements or posts. Rest assured, I have taken every legal step that can be done in this regard.
I too, have become a victim as much as those who may have lost their lives and properties to such a devastating natural calamity. This recent controversy has greatly affected my reputation, my family, and my friends. I am devastated and shocked at the extent my character, my personal information and private space have been violated.
I have a deep respect and regard for my country. I am proud to be a Filipino and would never say or do anything to harm the interest of my country or countrymen. I have also had the privilege of participating in civic-oriented activities in Dubai, particularly in trying to help my fellow countrymen seek employment during the height of mass layoffs brought about by the ongoing global financial crisis, as well as those seeking employment for the first time. Making a mockery of any unfortunate incidents befalling any of my fellow Filipinos is simply contrary to my character. I condemn the person or persons behind these malicious acts to impute damage on my integrity and I hope that you can dig deep into your hearts and minds to truly find the truth in all these.
About two years ago, an anonymous source created these accounts using my identity, posting my personal details, my real pictures captioned roughly and attacking other people.. Because of these incidents, I reported such abuses and sent my credentials to the administrators of such sites, particularly Facebook. I have been abused and am still being abused online in social networking websites such as Facebook, Friendster, Multiply etc.
In the early stages, I was advised by close friends to ignore the situation, saying this would simply go away. Unfortunately, it has not stopped. Hence, I filed a complaint with the Dubai Police about eight months ago hoping they could help me with my problem. Should anyone wish to check my statement, my case is still under investigation with said authorities.
Time passed and these sites continued to generate malicious, obscene and cruel messages that are widely exposed and relayed to the public under my name.
Yesterday, September 27th 2009, I received phone calls from my close friends regarding very alarming posts in the above mentioned websites that directly offended flood victims as a result of typhoon Ondoy..
These malicious statement(s) which are posted under account names Jacque or Jackie are not of my doing. It is unfortunate that such statements were maliciously attributed to me and I do sympathize and understand the adverse and somehow verbally violent reaction that has been elicited by such insensitive statements or posts. Rest assured, I have taken every legal step that can be done in this regard.
I too, have become a victim as much as those who may have lost their lives and properties to such a devastating natural calamity. This recent controversy has greatly affected my reputation, my family, and my friends. I am devastated and shocked at the extent my character, my personal information and private space have been violated.
I have a deep respect and regard for my country. I am proud to be a Filipino and would never say or do anything to harm the interest of my country or countrymen. I have also had the privilege of participating in civic-oriented activities in Dubai, particularly in trying to help my fellow countrymen seek employment during the height of mass layoffs brought about by the ongoing global financial crisis, as well as those seeking employment for the first time. Making a mockery of any unfortunate incidents befalling any of my fellow Filipinos is simply contrary to my character. I condemn the person or persons behind these malicious acts to impute damage on my integrity and I hope that you can dig deep into your hearts and minds to truly find the truth in all these.
Read more...
Who is Jacque, Jackie, Jacqueline Bermejo?
Jacque Bermejo – this is the name of the Filipina in Dubai now dubbed as the “dumbest Pinay” after posting a Facebook wall comment tantamount to being heartless and inhumane.
Jacque Bermejo commented on the Definitely Filipino Facebook page saying the following lines: “buti n lng am hir in dubai! maybe so many sinners bak der! so yeah deserving wat hapend!”
Jacque Bermejo needless to say is now an Internet Star, but we don’t think she’s enjoying her popularity. Filipinos all over the world hate her for her comment, some calling her names and a few even now campaigning for her to be declared a personan non grata.
Who is Jacque Bermejo?
Jacqueline Bermejo is a Marketing and PR Officer based in Dubai. Yes, she is a PR Officer and she obviously needs to do more than miracles to rebuild her reputation after this Facebook scandal.
Jacqueline has been working in the Middle East for over four years and currently works in real estate and property development.
If you need to contact her for whatever reason:
Tel: +971 4 4329633
Fax: +971 4 4329632
Mob: +971 50 3416640
Jacque Bermejo Pictures
This is the face that launched a thousand blog posts, Facebook comments and wall posts.
Read more...
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The Rancher
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but
knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided
to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the
house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and
knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very
well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,
'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You
should go into town and kick up your heels.' The hired hand readily agreed
and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no
hired hand.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but
knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided
to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the
house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and
knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very
well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,
'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You
should go into town and kick up your heels.' The hired hand readily agreed
and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no
hired hand.
Read more...
Monday, September 7, 2009
PEPITO'S RESUME
Resimay
To hoom it mae cunsern,
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.
I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..
I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person,
Pepole really seam to respond
to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
I no my spelling is not to good but fi nd that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.
My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
PEPITO
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.
To hoom it mae cunsern,
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.
I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..
I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person,
Pepole really seam to respond
to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
I no my spelling is not to good but fi nd that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.
My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
PEPITO
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.
Employer's response:
Dear Pepito ,
It's OK honey, we've got spell check.
See you Monday
Read more...
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
****************************************************************************************************************************************************************
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 ;program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
****************************************************************************************************************************************************************
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 ;program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support
Read more...
Friday, July 24, 2009
Ligaw Tips ni Bob Ong
Dear Mr. Bob Ong,
Matagal ko na pong nililigawan itong ramp model na stage actress na nakilala ko recently sa isang party. Nasisiraan na ako ng bait. Pag nakilala mo siya, tiyak matutunaw ang utak mo sa kakaisip sa kanya.
Hingi lang po ako ng advice. Paano ko po siya mapapaibig? Bibigyan ko ba siya ng tula ? Haharanahin ko ba siya? Roses? Kalachuchi? Chocnut at sampaguita?
In lab na po ako. Ano po ang gagawin ko? Is she the one.
Lubos na gumagalang,
- Bartolome -
- ANG REPLY -
Dear Bartolome,
Hindi ka talaga sasagutin niyang nililigawan mo. Napaka-old school kasi ng mga tactics mo. Wala nang gumagawa ng ganyan. Sa panahon ngayon, lahat ng bagay, nagtaas na. Nagtaas na ang gasolina, nagtaas na ang presyo ng bigas at mga bilihin, nagtaas na ang pamasahe, at lalong nagtaas na rin ng standards ang mga babae. Hindi na uubra yang siopao at kalachuci mo. Lalo na yung huli mong binigay, hopia at santan. Ano ba pare? Ano’ng era ka ba pinanganak?
Pero don’t worry. It’s not too late. May pag-asa ka pa. Hindi pa naman siya kinakasal at di pa niya sinasagot yung crush niya na basketball player. Kahit lamang siya ng sampung paligo sa’yo, daanin mo sa utak at creativity. Dahil aminin na natin, iyon na lang talaga ang pag-asa mo. Heto, bibigyan kita ng mga simple, tried and tested na mga regalo para di siya mapurga sa hopia at siomai. Sundin mo ‘to, tiyak na lalaglag ang bagang niya sa’yo. Mga medyo more than your usual regalong panligaw:
1. Bili ka ng century tuna. Ilagay mo sa isang napakalaking box—yung sinlaki ng TV o kaya box ng desktop PC mo. Tapos balutan mo ng magarang pambalot. Kuntsabahin mo na yung teacher niya sa Calculus. Sa gitna ng klase, bigla kang kumatok sa classroom. Pero dapat, incognito ka. Magsuot ka ng LBC jacket, magshades, at magsuot ng surgical mask. Pagpasok mo sa classroom, iabot mo yung box sa teacher, at papirmahin mo ng acknowledgement receipt. Tapos pabuksan mo in front of everyone. Tignan mong mabuti ang reaction sa mukha niya.
Later during the day, pag tinanong niya kung bakit Century Tuna ang binigay mo, iikot mo yung lata at ituro mo yung sign na “Omega 8.” Pag tinanong niya kung ano yung Omega 8, sabihin mo: “because you’re good for my heart.”
2. Mangolekta ka ng isang dosenang hanger na libre mong nakukuha tuwing nagpapa-dry clean ka. Tapos, sa bawat hanger, isulat mo: “I miss hanging out with you.”
3. Instead of roses, kuha ka ng tissue paper sa banyo ng school mo. Gawin mong tissue paper roses. Gawa ka ng isang dosena. Pag-abot mo, sabihin mo, “Ganito kalinis ang pag-ibig ko sa’yo.”
4. Bili ka ng tetra pack ng mantikang Minola. Tapos bilugan mo yung “with Omega 8.” Hindi na siya magtatanong kung bakit.
5. Bigyan mo ng ice cream cone. Dapat cone lang at walang ice cream. Pag hinanap niya yung ice cream, sabihin mo, “natunaw na kakatitig sa’yo.”
6. Bili ka ng sandosenang box ng crayola. Kolektahin mo lahat ng black. Lagay mo sa isang box ng crayola. Sa likod, isulat mo: “Walang kulay ang buhay kung wala ka.”
7. Bigyan mo siya ng mumurahing bumbilya. Alam mo na siguro by this time kung ano ang isasagot pag tinanong niya kung bakit. (para sa mga hindi maka-“gets”, kapag tinanong ka, ang sagot mo ay, “sapagkat, ikaw lamang ang tanging ilaw at liwanag sa buhay ko”, o kaya naman ay, “you light up my life”…
8. I-text mo siya ng: “Hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop, hindi tayo halaman. Bagay tayo. Bagay!”
9. Bigyan mo siya ng calling card ng MMDA. Sa likod, isulat mo “para pag nagkabanggaan ang puso natin.”
10. Padalhan mo ng Happy Meal pero huwag mong ibibigay yung libreng laruan. Paghinanap niya, sabihin mo: “Ako yung freebie, at ikaw yung meal na nagpapahappy sa’kin.”
11. Sunugin ang kanyang bahay at padalhan ng hallmark card: "aanhin mo pa ang bahay mo, kung matagal ka nang nakatira sa puso ko"
12. Pagatapos sunugin ang kanyang bahay, padalhan siya ng isang box ng posporo, Guitar brand. unahan ang kanyang galit at sabihin, "ayan ang posporo na ginamit ko sa pagsunog ng iyong bahay, match na tayo"
13. Sa kalagitnaan ng isang malupit na bagyo, pasalubungan sya ng "salbabida", wag payong, o mainit na mami. Pag nagtanong bakit? ang isagot mo ay " ayaw kong malunod ka sa pag mamahal ko."
14. Pag pumayag na siyang makipagdate, dalhin mo siya sa canteen at huwag bibitawan ang kamay. Pag tinanong niya kung bakit, ituro mo yun sign na “don’t leave your valuables unattended”
Handang tumulong lagi,
-Bob Ong-
Matagal ko na pong nililigawan itong ramp model na stage actress na nakilala ko recently sa isang party. Nasisiraan na ako ng bait. Pag nakilala mo siya, tiyak matutunaw ang utak mo sa kakaisip sa kanya.
Hingi lang po ako ng advice. Paano ko po siya mapapaibig? Bibigyan ko ba siya ng tula ? Haharanahin ko ba siya? Roses? Kalachuchi? Chocnut at sampaguita?
In lab na po ako. Ano po ang gagawin ko? Is she the one.
Lubos na gumagalang,
- Bartolome -
- ANG REPLY -
Dear Bartolome,
Hindi ka talaga sasagutin niyang nililigawan mo. Napaka-old school kasi ng mga tactics mo. Wala nang gumagawa ng ganyan. Sa panahon ngayon, lahat ng bagay, nagtaas na. Nagtaas na ang gasolina, nagtaas na ang presyo ng bigas at mga bilihin, nagtaas na ang pamasahe, at lalong nagtaas na rin ng standards ang mga babae. Hindi na uubra yang siopao at kalachuci mo. Lalo na yung huli mong binigay, hopia at santan. Ano ba pare? Ano’ng era ka ba pinanganak?
Pero don’t worry. It’s not too late. May pag-asa ka pa. Hindi pa naman siya kinakasal at di pa niya sinasagot yung crush niya na basketball player. Kahit lamang siya ng sampung paligo sa’yo, daanin mo sa utak at creativity. Dahil aminin na natin, iyon na lang talaga ang pag-asa mo. Heto, bibigyan kita ng mga simple, tried and tested na mga regalo para di siya mapurga sa hopia at siomai. Sundin mo ‘to, tiyak na lalaglag ang bagang niya sa’yo. Mga medyo more than your usual regalong panligaw:
1. Bili ka ng century tuna. Ilagay mo sa isang napakalaking box—yung sinlaki ng TV o kaya box ng desktop PC mo. Tapos balutan mo ng magarang pambalot. Kuntsabahin mo na yung teacher niya sa Calculus. Sa gitna ng klase, bigla kang kumatok sa classroom. Pero dapat, incognito ka. Magsuot ka ng LBC jacket, magshades, at magsuot ng surgical mask. Pagpasok mo sa classroom, iabot mo yung box sa teacher, at papirmahin mo ng acknowledgement receipt. Tapos pabuksan mo in front of everyone. Tignan mong mabuti ang reaction sa mukha niya.
Later during the day, pag tinanong niya kung bakit Century Tuna ang binigay mo, iikot mo yung lata at ituro mo yung sign na “Omega 8.” Pag tinanong niya kung ano yung Omega 8, sabihin mo: “because you’re good for my heart.”
2. Mangolekta ka ng isang dosenang hanger na libre mong nakukuha tuwing nagpapa-dry clean ka. Tapos, sa bawat hanger, isulat mo: “I miss hanging out with you.”
3. Instead of roses, kuha ka ng tissue paper sa banyo ng school mo. Gawin mong tissue paper roses. Gawa ka ng isang dosena. Pag-abot mo, sabihin mo, “Ganito kalinis ang pag-ibig ko sa’yo.”
4. Bili ka ng tetra pack ng mantikang Minola. Tapos bilugan mo yung “with Omega 8.” Hindi na siya magtatanong kung bakit.
5. Bigyan mo ng ice cream cone. Dapat cone lang at walang ice cream. Pag hinanap niya yung ice cream, sabihin mo, “natunaw na kakatitig sa’yo.”
6. Bili ka ng sandosenang box ng crayola. Kolektahin mo lahat ng black. Lagay mo sa isang box ng crayola. Sa likod, isulat mo: “Walang kulay ang buhay kung wala ka.”
7. Bigyan mo siya ng mumurahing bumbilya. Alam mo na siguro by this time kung ano ang isasagot pag tinanong niya kung bakit. (para sa mga hindi maka-“gets”, kapag tinanong ka, ang sagot mo ay, “sapagkat, ikaw lamang ang tanging ilaw at liwanag sa buhay ko”, o kaya naman ay, “you light up my life”…
8. I-text mo siya ng: “Hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop, hindi tayo halaman. Bagay tayo. Bagay!”
9. Bigyan mo siya ng calling card ng MMDA. Sa likod, isulat mo “para pag nagkabanggaan ang puso natin.”
10. Padalhan mo ng Happy Meal pero huwag mong ibibigay yung libreng laruan. Paghinanap niya, sabihin mo: “Ako yung freebie, at ikaw yung meal na nagpapahappy sa’kin.”
11. Sunugin ang kanyang bahay at padalhan ng hallmark card: "aanhin mo pa ang bahay mo, kung matagal ka nang nakatira sa puso ko"
12. Pagatapos sunugin ang kanyang bahay, padalhan siya ng isang box ng posporo, Guitar brand. unahan ang kanyang galit at sabihin, "ayan ang posporo na ginamit ko sa pagsunog ng iyong bahay, match na tayo"
13. Sa kalagitnaan ng isang malupit na bagyo, pasalubungan sya ng "salbabida", wag payong, o mainit na mami. Pag nagtanong bakit? ang isagot mo ay " ayaw kong malunod ka sa pag mamahal ko."
14. Pag pumayag na siyang makipagdate, dalhin mo siya sa canteen at huwag bibitawan ang kamay. Pag tinanong niya kung bakit, ituro mo yun sign na “don’t leave your valuables unattended”
Handang tumulong lagi,
-Bob Ong-
Read more...
Piolo Need Five Things...
Piolo Need Five Things...
Piolo:
I just need 5 things to live…
Some friends…
Some food…
Some work…
Some love…
And some…
Milby.
Read more...
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Movies to watch this 2009
Hello kids! here are the movies for 2009 that you don't want to miss.
Read more...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Tips for a fuller life
This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received. Hope it works for you -- and me!
You have 6 minutes
There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This has been sent To you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so Far.
Do not keep this message.
This must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson .
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
Now, here's the FUN part!
Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve. 1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks
15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
Do not keep this message
You have 6 minutes
There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This has been sent To you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so Far.
Do not keep this message.
This must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson .
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
Now, here's the FUN part!
Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve. 1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks
15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
Do not keep this message
Read more...
12 Ways to Know That You Love Someone
TWELVE:
You talk with him/her late at night and when you go to bed you still think of him/her.
ELEVEN:
You walk really slowly when you are with him/her.
TEN:
You don't feel Ok when he/she is far away...
NINE:
You smile when you hear his/her voice.
EIGHT:
When you look at him/her,you do not see other people around you. You see only him/her.
SIX:
He/She is everything you want to think.
FIVE:
You realise that you smile every time you look at him/her.
FOUR:
You would do anything to see him/her.
THREE:
While you have been reading this, there was a person in your mind all the time.
TWO:
You've been so busy thinking of that person that you didn't notice that number 7 is missing.
ONE:
You are going to check above if that's true and now you are silently laughing to yourself.
NOW MAKE A WISH! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT THE MOST.......
*****
ALMOST THERE!
Send this message to at least 12 friends like that: 12 WAYS TO KNOW THAT YOU LOVE SOMEONE
*And something good is going to happen tonight....
*If you don't do it...you will definitely regret it....
You talk with him/her late at night and when you go to bed you still think of him/her.
ELEVEN:
You walk really slowly when you are with him/her.
TEN:
You don't feel Ok when he/she is far away...
NINE:
You smile when you hear his/her voice.
EIGHT:
When you look at him/her,you do not see other people around you. You see only him/her.
SIX:
He/She is everything you want to think.
FIVE:
You realise that you smile every time you look at him/her.
FOUR:
You would do anything to see him/her.
THREE:
While you have been reading this, there was a person in your mind all the time.
TWO:
You've been so busy thinking of that person that you didn't notice that number 7 is missing.
ONE:
You are going to check above if that's true and now you are silently laughing to yourself.
NOW MAKE A WISH! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT THE MOST.......
*****
ALMOST THERE!
Send this message to at least 12 friends like that: 12 WAYS TO KNOW THAT YOU LOVE SOMEONE
*And something good is going to happen tonight....
*If you don't do it...you will definitely regret it....
Read more...
A Husband's Letter to His Wife & the Wife's Reply Regarding Their Sex Life
TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just lay there
8 times you reminded me there ' s a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you moved
KEEP READING.......
============ ========= ========= ========= =========
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you are a little confused. Here are the reasons why you didn ' t get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn ' t cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn ' t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
Once you read this letter you have to keep it going.
This game has been played since 1996. You must send this letter to 7 people.
On the 5th day someone will ask you out or say "I love you."
This is not a joke.
It has worked for many years. If you break the chain, you will have bad luck with guys/girls forever. This is just for future readers. This began in 1996, not much of a past, but it works.
So here are the rules:
If you read this on a Sunday, wish for a good week
If you read this on a Monday, wish for money
If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love
If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success
If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want
If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date
If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone call
Send this to seven people (after you make a wish). Make sure it is sent as soon as you read it or your wish won ' t come true. And check!
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just lay there
8 times you reminded me there ' s a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you moved
KEEP READING.......
============ ========= ========= ========= =========
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you are a little confused. Here are the reasons why you didn ' t get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn ' t cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn ' t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
Once you read this letter you have to keep it going.
This game has been played since 1996. You must send this letter to 7 people.
On the 5th day someone will ask you out or say "I love you."
This is not a joke.
It has worked for many years. If you break the chain, you will have bad luck with guys/girls forever. This is just for future readers. This began in 1996, not much of a past, but it works.
So here are the rules:
If you read this on a Sunday, wish for a good week
If you read this on a Monday, wish for money
If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love
If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success
If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want
If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date
If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone call
Send this to seven people (after you make a wish). Make sure it is sent as soon as you read it or your wish won ' t come true. And check!
Read more...
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Lucky Man Marries Thai Twins!
Only in thailand
Lucky Man Marries Thai Twins!
(Translated from the Thai Rath Newspaper)
After Mr Wichai (Tao), aged 24, from Samut Songkram province, who earns his living by dealing in old goods, got married to gorgeous twins Ms Sirintara and Ms Thipawan 22, he vouched his sincerest 'equal love' for both of them!
Mr Wichai, just yesterday, got married in a grand ceremony to both twins simultaneously.
On being interviewed by Thai Rath reporters, Mr Wichai declared wholeheartedly that he didn't see much problem in having t o perform tiresome marital duties with two wives.
In the engagement ceremony before the wedding, Mr Wichai successfully offered a dowry of eight baht of gold and 80,000 baht EACH for his lovely darlings.
Both families celebrated the marriage with joy and were said to be delighted for the threesome.
Mr Wichai told the press that he had been best of friends with his neighbouring twins since they were children.
'When I grew older, I would walk past their house each morning and try to decide for myself which one I fancied more, but it was darn impossible - I adored BOTH of them - I just couldn't decide which one of them to chat up......!'
He went on to say, 'For three continuous years all three of us would go on dates together, until there was one day when I couldn't stand the frustration any longer and told them, 'I love you and want to marry you BOTH''
The fortunate Mr Wichai, instead of getting a slap in the face, was overjoyed when both girls admitted to having sworn all along that they wished to marry the same man!
'It wasn't easy at first, what with the neighbours gossiping, but our family sympathized, understood, and fully supported our mutual love for the one man' the twins said.
Mr Wichai arranged for his brides to live with him in his family house after the wedding, and his mother has already proudly prepared TWO rooms for the newly-weds.
Our reporters were just gagging to hear the response to this mouth-watering question:-
"And.... what are the sleeping arrangements Mr Wichai?", to which he replied modestly with a beaming smile.
'Absolutely no problems! For the first three nights of the week, I will sleep with Ms Thipawan and the next three will be spent with Ms Siri ntara. As for every Saturday, the three of us will sleep together'
Ms Sirintara finally told the press, 'When my twin and I worked as assistant nurses, we promised each other that we would never leave each other's side, and that our future husband would have to either take us both, or leave us.'
Read more...
Monday, June 8, 2009
Unemployed graduate
An unemployed graduate woke up one morning and checked his pocket. All he had left was $10. He decided to use it to buy food and then wait for death as he was too proud to go begging. He was frustrated as he could find no job, and nobody was ready to help him.
He bought food and as he sat down to eat, an old man and two little children came along and asked him to help them with food as they had not eaten for almost a week. He looked at them. They were so lean that he could see their bones coming out. Their eyes had gone into the socket. With the last bit of compassion he had, he gave them the food. The old man and children prayed that God would bless and prosper him and then gave him a very old coin. The young graduate said to them 'you need the prayer more than I do'
With no money, no job, no food, the young graduate went under the bridge to rest and wait for death. As he was about to sleep, he saw an old newspaper on the ground.. He picked it up, and suddenly he saw an advertisement for people with old coins to come to a certain address.
He decided to go there with the old coin the old man gave him. On getting to the place, he gave the proprietor the coin. The proprietor screamed, brought out a big book and showed the young graduate a photograph. This same old coin was worth 3 million dollars. The young graduate was overjoyed as the proprietor gave him a bank draft for 3 million dollars within an hour. He collected the Bank Draft and went in search of the old man and little children.
By the time he got to where he left them eating, they had gone. He asked the owner of the canteen if he knew them. He said no but they left a note for you. He quickly opened the note thinking it would lead him to find them.
This is what the note said: 'You gave us your all and we have rewarded you back with the coin,' signed God the Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost. 1 Kings 17:10-16; Matthew 11:28-30
PRAYER:
Here is your financial blessing! It's a simple prayer, you've got 30 seconds. If you need a financial blessing, continue reading this e-mail.
Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God,
I pray to you that you abundantly Bless my family and me. I know that you recognize, that a family is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother husband and wife, but all Who believe and trust in you.
Father, I send up a prayer request for financial blessing for not only the person who sent this to me, but for Me and all that I have forwarded this message on to. And that the power of joined prayer by those who believe and trust in you is more powerful than anything.
I thank you in advance for your blessings.
Father God, deliver the person reading this right now and those who will read it in the near future from debt and debt burdens. Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a good steward over all that You have given me Father, for I know how wonderful and mighty You are and how if we just obey You and walk in Your word and have the faith of a Mustard seed that You will pour out blessings..
I thank You now Lord for the recent blessings I have received and for the blessings yet to come Because I know You are not done with me yet.
In His name, I pray,
Amen
SEND THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU WILL BE BLESSED
He bought food and as he sat down to eat, an old man and two little children came along and asked him to help them with food as they had not eaten for almost a week. He looked at them. They were so lean that he could see their bones coming out. Their eyes had gone into the socket. With the last bit of compassion he had, he gave them the food. The old man and children prayed that God would bless and prosper him and then gave him a very old coin. The young graduate said to them 'you need the prayer more than I do'
With no money, no job, no food, the young graduate went under the bridge to rest and wait for death. As he was about to sleep, he saw an old newspaper on the ground.. He picked it up, and suddenly he saw an advertisement for people with old coins to come to a certain address.
He decided to go there with the old coin the old man gave him. On getting to the place, he gave the proprietor the coin. The proprietor screamed, brought out a big book and showed the young graduate a photograph. This same old coin was worth 3 million dollars. The young graduate was overjoyed as the proprietor gave him a bank draft for 3 million dollars within an hour. He collected the Bank Draft and went in search of the old man and little children.
By the time he got to where he left them eating, they had gone. He asked the owner of the canteen if he knew them. He said no but they left a note for you. He quickly opened the note thinking it would lead him to find them.
This is what the note said: 'You gave us your all and we have rewarded you back with the coin,' signed God the Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost. 1 Kings 17:10-16; Matthew 11:28-30
PRAYER:
Here is your financial blessing! It's a simple prayer, you've got 30 seconds. If you need a financial blessing, continue reading this e-mail.
Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God,
I pray to you that you abundantly Bless my family and me. I know that you recognize, that a family is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother husband and wife, but all Who believe and trust in you.
Father, I send up a prayer request for financial blessing for not only the person who sent this to me, but for Me and all that I have forwarded this message on to. And that the power of joined prayer by those who believe and trust in you is more powerful than anything.
I thank you in advance for your blessings.
Father God, deliver the person reading this right now and those who will read it in the near future from debt and debt burdens. Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a good steward over all that You have given me Father, for I know how wonderful and mighty You are and how if we just obey You and walk in Your word and have the faith of a Mustard seed that You will pour out blessings..
I thank You now Lord for the recent blessings I have received and for the blessings yet to come Because I know You are not done with me yet.
In His name, I pray,
Amen
SEND THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU WILL BE BLESSED
Read more...
Jokes not to be missed
ilure is not when ur girlfriend leaves you...
It's only when u leave her a virgin.
Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!
Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u? To see if u really mean it!
Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well u do it today,
tomorrow u have to do it again.
Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.
The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!
This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: We stare because we care!
The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to: Hang Till Death !
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time..
What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.
If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.
What's the diff between a bomb n a condom?
In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.
It's only when u leave her a virgin.
Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!
Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u? To see if u really mean it!
Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well u do it today,
tomorrow u have to do it again.
Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.
The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!
This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: We stare because we care!
The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to: Hang Till Death !
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time..
What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.
If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.
What's the diff between a bomb n a condom?
In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.
Read more...
5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE!
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in the position to prevent avoidable exposure.
----------
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized, "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go fourth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
----------
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Piña Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office before lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
----------
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered, "Sure, why not?"
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of the sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very very high up.
----------
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...
----------
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there, all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE!
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in the position to prevent avoidable exposure.
----------
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized, "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go fourth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
----------
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Piña Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office before lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
----------
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered, "Sure, why not?"
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of the sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very very high up.
----------
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...
----------
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there, all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE!
Read more...
A Needle Can Save the LIFE of a STROKE PATIENT
First Aid for Stroke
Keep a syringe or needle in your home to do this... It's amazing and an unconventional way of recovering from stroke, read it through it can help somebody 1 day.
This is amazing, if it works. Please keep this very handy...
Excellent tips. Do take a minute to read this. You'll never know. One's life may depend on you.
My friends father was paralyzed and later died from the result of a stroke. I wish I knew about this first aid before.
When stroke strikes, the capillaries in the brain will gradually burst.
When a stroke occurs, stay calm. No matter where the victim is, do not move him/her. Because, if moved, the capillaries will burst. Help the victim to sit up where he is to prevent him from falling over again, and then the bloodletting can begin. If you have in your home an injection
syringe that would be the best, otherwise, a sewing needle or a straight pin will do. Place the needle/pin over fire to sterilize it, and then use it to prick the tip of all 10 fingers. There are no specific acupuncture points, just prick about a mm from the fingernail.
Prick till blood comes out. If blood does not start to drip, then squeeze with your fingers. When all 10 digits is bleeding, wait a few minutes then the victim will regain consciousness.
If the victim's mouth is crooked, then pull on his ears until they are red. Then prick each ear lobe twice until two drops of blood comes from each ear lobe. After a few minutes the victim should regain consciousness.
Wait till the victim regains his normal state without any abnormal symptoms then take him to the hospital, otherwise, if he was taken in the ambulance in a hurry to the hospital, the bumpy trip will cause all the capillaries in his brain to burst. If he could save his life, barely managing to walk, then it is by the grace of his ancestors.
I learned about letting blood to save life from Chinese traditional doctor Ha Bu-Ting who lives in Sun-Juke. Furthermore, I had practical experience with it. Therefore I can say this method is 100% effective.
In 1979, I was teaching in Fung-Gaap College in Tai-Chung. One afternoon I was teaching class when another teacher came running to my class room and said in panting, "Mr. Liu, come quick, our supervisor has had a stroke!" I immediately went to the 3rd floor. When I saw our supervisor, Mr.Chen Fu-Tien, his color was off, his speech was slurred, his mouth was crooked-all the symptoms of a stroke.
I immediately asked one of the practicum students to go to the pharmacy outside the school to buy a syringe, which I used to prick Mr. Chen's 10 fingers tips. When all 10 fingers were bleeding (each with a pea-sized drop of blood), after a few minutes, Mr. Chen's face regained its color and his eyes' spirit returned, too. But his mouth was still crooked. So I pulled on his ears to fill them with blood. When his ears became red, I pricked his right earlobe twice to let out 2 drops of blood. When both earlobes had two drops of blood each, a miracle happened. Within 3-5 minutes the shape of his mouth returned to normal and his speech became clear. We let him rest for a while and have a cup of hot tea, then we helped him go down the stairs, drove him to Wei-Wah Hospital . He rested one night and was released the next day to return to school to teach.
Everything worked normally. There were no ill after-effects. On the other hand, the usual stroke victim usually suffers irreparable bursting of the brain capillaries on the way to the hospital. As a result, these victims never recover.
Therefore stroke is the second cause of death. The lucky ones will stay alive but can remain paralyzed for life.
It is such a horrible thing to happen in one's life. If we can all remember this bloodletting method and start the life-saving process immediately, in a short time, the victim will be revived and regain 100% normality. We hope you can tell others about this first aid method. By doing so, stroke may be removed from the list of major causes of death.
Forward this after reading. It will be a good deed indeed. The greatest risk is not taking one... Make a difference!! !
Keep a syringe or needle in your home to do this... It's amazing and an unconventional way of recovering from stroke, read it through it can help somebody 1 day.
This is amazing, if it works. Please keep this very handy...
Excellent tips. Do take a minute to read this. You'll never know. One's life may depend on you.
My friends father was paralyzed and later died from the result of a stroke. I wish I knew about this first aid before.
When stroke strikes, the capillaries in the brain will gradually burst.
When a stroke occurs, stay calm. No matter where the victim is, do not move him/her. Because, if moved, the capillaries will burst. Help the victim to sit up where he is to prevent him from falling over again, and then the bloodletting can begin. If you have in your home an injection
syringe that would be the best, otherwise, a sewing needle or a straight pin will do. Place the needle/pin over fire to sterilize it, and then use it to prick the tip of all 10 fingers. There are no specific acupuncture points, just prick about a mm from the fingernail.
Prick till blood comes out. If blood does not start to drip, then squeeze with your fingers. When all 10 digits is bleeding, wait a few minutes then the victim will regain consciousness.
If the victim's mouth is crooked, then pull on his ears until they are red. Then prick each ear lobe twice until two drops of blood comes from each ear lobe. After a few minutes the victim should regain consciousness.
Wait till the victim regains his normal state without any abnormal symptoms then take him to the hospital, otherwise, if he was taken in the ambulance in a hurry to the hospital, the bumpy trip will cause all the capillaries in his brain to burst. If he could save his life, barely managing to walk, then it is by the grace of his ancestors.
I learned about letting blood to save life from Chinese traditional doctor Ha Bu-Ting who lives in Sun-Juke. Furthermore, I had practical experience with it. Therefore I can say this method is 100% effective.
In 1979, I was teaching in Fung-Gaap College in Tai-Chung. One afternoon I was teaching class when another teacher came running to my class room and said in panting, "Mr. Liu, come quick, our supervisor has had a stroke!" I immediately went to the 3rd floor. When I saw our supervisor, Mr.Chen Fu-Tien, his color was off, his speech was slurred, his mouth was crooked-all the symptoms of a stroke.
I immediately asked one of the practicum students to go to the pharmacy outside the school to buy a syringe, which I used to prick Mr. Chen's 10 fingers tips. When all 10 fingers were bleeding (each with a pea-sized drop of blood), after a few minutes, Mr. Chen's face regained its color and his eyes' spirit returned, too. But his mouth was still crooked. So I pulled on his ears to fill them with blood. When his ears became red, I pricked his right earlobe twice to let out 2 drops of blood. When both earlobes had two drops of blood each, a miracle happened. Within 3-5 minutes the shape of his mouth returned to normal and his speech became clear. We let him rest for a while and have a cup of hot tea, then we helped him go down the stairs, drove him to Wei-Wah Hospital . He rested one night and was released the next day to return to school to teach.
Everything worked normally. There were no ill after-effects. On the other hand, the usual stroke victim usually suffers irreparable bursting of the brain capillaries on the way to the hospital. As a result, these victims never recover.
Therefore stroke is the second cause of death. The lucky ones will stay alive but can remain paralyzed for life.
It is such a horrible thing to happen in one's life. If we can all remember this bloodletting method and start the life-saving process immediately, in a short time, the victim will be revived and regain 100% normality. We hope you can tell others about this first aid method. By doing so, stroke may be removed from the list of major causes of death.
Forward this after reading. It will be a good deed indeed. The greatest risk is not taking one... Make a difference!! !
Read more...
The Misadventures of Boy Ngo Ngo
Boy: Ine! Netter Mi as in Minimines. (Hindi! Letter "P" as in Philippines )
Aling Petra: Ha???
Boy: Mi! (Kinanta ni Boy ang alphabet) Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee..En, Em, En, O, Mi! - - Mi!
Aling Petra: Ahhh, P! Letter P! (Masiglang sagot ni Aling Petra .)
Boy: Oo. Mi! Mo e Meen! (Oo! P! Pork n Beans!)
Aling Petra: Sige ituloy mo Boy. 'P'...
Boy: Ngo! (O!)
Aling Petra: Ano kamo?
Boy: (Kumanta ulit) Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, Ngo
Aling Petra: Ahhh, titik O! P-O. Sige ituloy mo pa!
Boy: Netter Arrng (Letter R)
Aling Petra: Kantahin mo na lang ulit Boy.
Boy: Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, O, Mi, Ngyu, Arrng!
Aling Petra: Ahhh! Letter R. Malapit na. 'P-O-R'? Hindi ko pa rin makuha, Boy. Anong letter ang susunod?
Boy: Ngey.
Aling Petra: Letter A?
Boy: Ini ho! (Sabay buntung-hininga si Boy) Ngey! A, Ma, Nga (A-Ba-Ka-Da ang kinanta)! Nga!"
Aling Petra: Ka! Letter 'K' 'P-O-R-K' Ahhh Pork!!!
Boy: Oo!!! Mo e Meen!
Aling Petra: Pork and?
Boy: Oo!! Mo e Meen!!!
Aling Petra: Pork and Meen? Ahhhh!!! Alam ko na!!! Pork and Beans!!!
Boy: Oo! Oo!! Mo e Meen!! Mo e Meen!!!!" ang masayang sigaw ni Boy.
Aling Petra: Pork and Beans pala ang kailangan mo!!!
Boy: Oo. Mo e Meen!
Aling Petra: Hay nako!!!... Wala!!!
-The End-
Aling Petra: Ha???
Boy: Mi! (Kinanta ni Boy ang alphabet) Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee..En, Em, En, O, Mi! - - Mi!
Aling Petra: Ahhh, P! Letter P! (Masiglang sagot ni Aling Petra .)
Boy: Oo. Mi! Mo e Meen! (Oo! P! Pork n Beans!)
Aling Petra: Sige ituloy mo Boy. 'P'...
Boy: Ngo! (O!)
Aling Petra: Ano kamo?
Boy: (Kumanta ulit) Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, Ngo
Aling Petra: Ahhh, titik O! P-O. Sige ituloy mo pa!
Boy: Netter Arrng (Letter R)
Aling Petra: Kantahin mo na lang ulit Boy.
Boy: Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, O, Mi, Ngyu, Arrng!
Aling Petra: Ahhh! Letter R. Malapit na. 'P-O-R'? Hindi ko pa rin makuha, Boy. Anong letter ang susunod?
Boy: Ngey.
Aling Petra: Letter A?
Boy: Ini ho! (Sabay buntung-hininga si Boy) Ngey! A, Ma, Nga (A-Ba-Ka-Da ang kinanta)! Nga!"
Aling Petra: Ka! Letter 'K' 'P-O-R-K' Ahhh Pork!!!
Boy: Oo!!! Mo e Meen!
Aling Petra: Pork and?
Boy: Oo!! Mo e Meen!!!
Aling Petra: Pork and Meen? Ahhhh!!! Alam ko na!!! Pork and Beans!!!
Boy: Oo! Oo!! Mo e Meen!! Mo e Meen!!!!" ang masayang sigaw ni Boy.
Aling Petra: Pork and Beans pala ang kailangan mo!!!
Boy: Oo. Mo e Meen!
Aling Petra: Hay nako!!!... Wala!!!
-The End-
Read more...
Funny Names of Stores
Wholesaler of balut in Sto. Tomas
STARDUCKS
Laundry shop in Manila
SUMMA CUM LAUNDRY
Petshop in Ortigas
PAKITA MO PET MO!
Bakery in Cainta
BREAD PIT
Restauran in Pampanga
MEKENI ROGERS
Copy Center
PAKOPYA NI EDGAR
Boxing Gym
BLOW JAB
A tombstone maker in Antipolo
LITO LAPIDA
Beerhouse in Cavite
CHICKPOINT
Laundromat in Manila
STAR WASH: ATTACK OF THE CLOTHES
Internet cafe in Taguig
N@KOPI@
Name of Kambingan
SAGOAT KITA!
Chinese resto
LAH-FANG!
A store selling feeds for chicken
ROBOCOCK
Flower shop
SUSAN'S ROSES
Ceiling installer
KISAME STREET
Ice Cream Parlor
DILA LANG ANG KATAPAT
Fishball cart
EAT MY BALLS
Barbershop
PINOY BIG BARBER
A bait and tackleshop
MASTERBAITER
A computer shop in Nova
LINTECH
STARDUCKS
Laundry shop in Manila
SUMMA CUM LAUNDRY
Petshop in Ortigas
PAKITA MO PET MO!
Bakery in Cainta
BREAD PIT
Restauran in Pampanga
MEKENI ROGERS
Copy Center
PAKOPYA NI EDGAR
Boxing Gym
BLOW JAB
A tombstone maker in Antipolo
LITO LAPIDA
Beerhouse in Cavite
CHICKPOINT
Laundromat in Manila
STAR WASH: ATTACK OF THE CLOTHES
Internet cafe in Taguig
N@KOPI@
Name of Kambingan
SAGOAT KITA!
Chinese resto
LAH-FANG!
A store selling feeds for chicken
ROBOCOCK
Flower shop
SUSAN'S ROSES
Ceiling installer
KISAME STREET
Ice Cream Parlor
DILA LANG ANG KATAPAT
Fishball cart
EAT MY BALLS
Barbershop
PINOY BIG BARBER
A bait and tackleshop
MASTERBAITER
A computer shop in Nova
LINTECH
Read more...
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