TO Be 6 Again...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was
looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not
far off he asked what she'd like to
have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall
of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
reeling and her stomach felt upside
down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy,
M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed
exhausted.


He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six
again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna
get it wrong.



TO Be 6 Again...

PACQUIAO Jokes!

Genie: Bibigyan kita ng isang kahilingan.

Aling Dionisia: Talaga?...gusto ko gumanda!

Genie: Buksan mo ang bote.

Aling Dionisia: At gaganda na ako?

Genie: Hindi. Babalik na lang ako.

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Pacman: Sabi ng titser ko, bakit daw ang eggplant walang egg?

Aling Dionisia: Sabihon mo sa titser mo, na pag me egg yun, turta na yan, TURTA!

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Reporter: Nguang nanalo ka Manny, anong pasalubong mo kay Jinkee?

Manny: Ibon syempre. Mahilig sya dun e.

Reporter: Ibon? Anong klaseng ibon?

Manny: Yung mga lipstek, pangmik up ba? Basta mga Ibon products! Yo know…

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Dionesia: Doc gusto ko magpalagay ng breast.

Doctor (gulat) magpapasexsi ka na?

Dionesia: Breast sa ngipen ba. Paraumayos yun ngepen ko! Deba uso yon?

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Pacquiao: Wala, talo ka na kahit anung gawin mo..

Hatton: Pagandahan na lang tayo ng nanay!

Pacquiao: Ah! Wala namang ganyanan. I mean you know…

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Aling Dionisia: Inday, akina nga yung seeds ko.

Inday: Bakit po magtatanim po ba kayo?

Aling Dionisia: Anung magtatanim sinasabi mo? Nasisilaw ang mata ko kaya kailangan ko yung seeds.


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Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tayu anu magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin… “MANKY”......

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Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag
nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat
kasali din pangalan ko.
Manny: Oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.
Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh.
Manny: Talaga 'nay? Anu?
Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny- jinky)

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Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets.
Jinky : Lambing mo talaga. mwah !! Nasan ang sweets honey?
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita… ang dilim!!

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Si Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong lugar sa .Gen San?
Manny: Ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh... ang masasabi kulang diyan ay....
Reporter: Ano..?
Manny: Ahh, kwan,...maraming Fish sa Gen San pero wala masyado umo-Order .

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Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk
Manny: Pare, ba't naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Freddie: Meron. .. Manhid ka lang!

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Noodle!!
Noodle!! Noodle!!
- Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal

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Sa Las Vegas
Waiter: May i take your order, Madam?
Aling Dionisia: Soup
Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day?
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks!

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Sa isang Birthday Party
Aling Dionisia: Blue!!! Blue the Kick!!!!

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You is!' 'you is! you is!', sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika..Andito na ako sa 'you is!'

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Chavit: Manny, paki - acknowledge naman si 1st Gentleman, late dumating.. ayun kadadaan lang sa tabi ng ringside.
Manny: I would like to acknowledge the ARRIVAL OF THE LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY!!

Batman and Joker

Facebook cheezy version of Migs and Bulilit

Jacqueline Bermejo September 29

I am issuing this statement to clear my name in the current controversy in which I allegedly posted a highly insensitive and offensive message on the social networking website, Facebook, in relation to the victims of typhoon Ondoy that recently struck parts of the Philippines.

About two years ago, an anonymous source created these accounts using my identity, posting my personal details, my real pictures captioned roughly and attacking other people.. Because of these incidents, I reported such abuses and sent my credentials to the administrators of such sites, particularly Facebook. I have been abused and am still being abused online in social networking websites such as Facebook, Friendster, Multiply etc.

In the early stages, I was advised by close friends to ignore the situation, saying this would simply go away. Unfortunately, it has not stopped. Hence, I filed a complaint with the Dubai Police about eight months ago hoping they could help me with my problem. Should anyone wish to check my statement, my case is still under investigation with said authorities.

Time passed and these sites continued to generate malicious, obscene and cruel messages that are widely exposed and relayed to the public under my name.

Yesterday, September 27th 2009, I received phone calls from my close friends regarding very alarming posts in the above mentioned websites that directly offended flood victims as a result of typhoon Ondoy..

These malicious statement(s) which are posted under account names Jacque or Jackie are not of my doing. It is unfortunate that such statements were maliciously attributed to me and I do sympathize and understand the adverse and somehow verbally violent reaction that has been elicited by such insensitive statements or posts. Rest assured, I have taken every legal step that can be done in this regard.

I too, have become a victim as much as those who may have lost their lives and properties to such a devastating natural calamity. This recent controversy has greatly affected my reputation, my family, and my friends. I am devastated and shocked at the extent my character, my personal information and private space have been violated.

I have a deep respect and regard for my country. I am proud to be a Filipino and would never say or do anything to harm the interest of my country or countrymen. I have also had the privilege of participating in civic-oriented activities in Dubai, particularly in trying to help my fellow countrymen seek employment during the height of mass layoffs brought about by the ongoing global financial crisis, as well as those seeking employment for the first time. Making a mockery of any unfortunate incidents befalling any of my fellow Filipinos is simply contrary to my character. I condemn the person or persons behind these malicious acts to impute damage on my integrity and I hope that you can dig deep into your hearts and minds to truly find the truth in all these.

Who is Jacque, Jackie, Jacqueline Bermejo?

Jacque Bermejo – this is the name of the Filipina in Dubai now dubbed as the “dumbest Pinay” after posting a Facebook wall comment tantamount to being heartless and inhumane.

Jacque Bermejo commented on the Definitely Filipino Facebook page saying the following lines: “buti n lng am hir in dubai! maybe so many sinners bak der! so yeah deserving wat hapend!”

Jacque Bermejo needless to say is now an Internet Star, but we don’t think she’s enjoying her popularity. Filipinos all over the world hate her for her comment, some calling her names and a few even now campaigning for her to be declared a personan non grata.

Who is Jacque Bermejo?

Jacqueline Bermejo is a Marketing and PR Officer based in Dubai. Yes, she is a PR Officer and she obviously needs to do more than miracles to rebuild her reputation after this Facebook scandal.

Jacqueline has been working in the Middle East for over four years and currently works in real estate and property development.

If you need to contact her for whatever reason:

Tel: +971 4 4329633
Fax: +971 4 4329632
Mob: +971 50 3416640

Jacque Bermejo Pictures

This is the face that launched a thousand blog posts, Facebook comments and wall posts.

The Rancher

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but

knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided

to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the

house than the drunk.


He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and

knew a lot about ranching.



For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very

well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,



'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You

should go into town and kick up your heels.' The hired hand readily agreed

and went into town one Saturday night.



One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no
hired hand.